FOREWORD

These books are written for those which aspire to understanding the mystical and emotional union of Life's adventure. As well, these books are written for those that are the exceptional and masterful 'freethinkers'. These passages and prose are created to lend insight into our time and all other times where men are allowed to contemplate the unraveling of our creation. It is to be interpreted for the turmoil and serenity of the building and the destruction of our realities, fantasies, our fortitude and our weakness. It is to be pondered in the same light as it was created, that, which is the seriousness to its lighter and its darker sides.

The emotions are real. The strength and the desperation are real. The lust and passion are also real. The truth and the lie are displayed to you as the same. They only await your understanding of the nature of the forces which control and dictate them.
The demons and the angels of our life are the carriers of that truth and lie and are the light which we all must navigate, to live or to die within the flames of its energy.

If we cannot find a sense of understanding within this universe other than the purpose of rational living, than, our purpose for our living dies with our death.
To begin our search for our destiny, we have but to look around us in awe and in wonder.
The rest, well, that comes with our courage. For those that fail to understand the passages in this book, or for those that condemn, put off, or assume it a sham or a farce, my love goes out to you.
Your life you live, in a veiled state of bliss. You are Eden’s true children.

For those that relate with what has been made here, I want to express to you my apologies for saying what we all feel on those long lonely roads, unseen for all but those who dream, then create. I feel truly sorry for the visions that life unfolds to you. We are destined to carry the weight of our thinking in the course of our living. And even in our death there is no escape.
God has offered to us, the plans of his creation, and has left to us tools to re-create the tomb of yours and our fate. Forever it seems, for God, we wait.
This work is merely a bonding of sorts, for which to let me in, close to your hearts, and to your minds. Perhaps, one day our souls may meet, to smile and laugh, and talk over the plans of what the creation may bring.

IN MEMORY

To my father Charles Romero Probst - a real man
To my mother Adelina Romero Probst - beautiful inside and out

Dedicated to my darling daughter Jacquelyne Cristina ( JC )
the love of my life

"just say no" when you are pushed to enter where you do not wish to go.

I am strongly opposed to addiction by any means, and to the enslavement or manipulation of any person for the purpose of material gain. I do not advocate the use of any legal or illegal mind-altering drug. "People need to find themselves. Especially, before they lose themselves."

Lastly, these works are in no way meant to challenge nor compete with any religion. I feel that it is essential for a person to harbor strong religious beliefs and use the doctrines of their beliefs in the course of their lives, as it will truly make them a better person.

There is a hill which overlooks everything. And on the top of that hill there is a watchtower. And inside of that watchtower, standing watch over the valley are those who have inspired and created what goes on in that valley. Wrong or right, it is them, they, have made or have broken our lives. Some of those persons I have had at my side. And, to these few names listed here, I owe my life.

• Picasso

• Krupp

• Blake

• Alighieri

• Rockefeller

• Pope

• Voltaire

• Ball

• Rasputen

• Tolkin

• Patton

• Michelangelo

• Milton

• Van Gogh

• Newton

• Lennon

• Sitting Bull

• Einstein

• Goethe

• Geronimo

• Wayne

• Edison

• Romero

• Presley

• Monroe

• Columbus

• Mahler

• Alexander

• Caesar

• Cortez

• Magellan

• AH

• Homer

• Gandhi

• Dali

• King

• Virgil

I almost hate what they have done. I wish to be with them, up inside, looking out to the outside; Changing all our lives.

About the Author & Artist

Mystic, author, artist, sailor, builder, actor, father, adventurer, athlete, theorist, inventor, freethinker and entrepreneur, R E R-Probst is a genuine Renaissance Man.

Mysterious, fun-loving, handsome, trustworthy, and dedicated, He is notorious for his ‘la dolce vita’ lifestyle, as well as, for a caring attitude and solid character.

In his writings, paintings, and in his company, R E R-Probst offers us a unique and brilliant display of the creative side to the mysteries of our lives.

R E R-Probst has created a portfolio consisting of over 1000 pieces of art and several manuscripts.
The portfolio is made up of hundreds of paintings and several hundreds of accenting drawings, of all mediums and size.
The paintings and the 24 manuscripts deal with the mortal and immortal man.

R E R-Probst is shrouded in mystery, living a full and impassioned life, that of which, he commands his own time and has not sought to compromise the integrity of his work.

R E R-Probst: Born in Santa Fe, and grew up in the Los Angeles beach community of Manhattan Beach.

His work is UN-compromised and maintains its integrity.

R E R-Probst is well read, well traveled and by most who cross his path, well liked. He has at times been wild and totally out of control, and in the same breath he is loving, caring and understanding, showing enormous responsibility and commitment to his work. In his writings, paintings, and in his company, R E R-Probst offers us a unique and brilliant display of the creative side to the mysteries of our lives.

The Manuscripts

In 1970, R E R-Probst described his work as;
"The project is titled, ‘Life-Death-Ego’.

‘The work is composed into 5 artistic generations, Spiritualism, Emotionalism, Neuterism, Egoism, Ego-spiritualism.
‘These break down to represent the soul, the heart, the mind, the birth, and the death.’

"I tried to deal with the concept of the Kingdom and Worlds before the creation of Man. Mans insignificance in the framework of the Universe & Mans aspiring to Godhead & The relation of Man to his immediate surroundings and his immediate Time and Space &, of Mans role in the outcome of the Universe’.

In 1989, R E R-Probst updated his description of his work as;
"I have altered somewhat the course of this artistic path. I have titled this transformation, ‘Life-Lust-Death’.
‘This phase of the project is constructed into 3 artistic generations.

The first, deals with mans interaction with his contemporaries
The second, deals directly with mans emotional fears and desires.
And the third, deals with the connection of his present life and his evolution to the theory of his creation.’

I may have less faith in Mans role, and perhaps more faith in the internal components which drive man to his means’.

‘The forces that do drive man though, are calculating, exacting, passionate, logical and adventurous. But, as Man progresses himself to the end of this phase of his existence, he is possessed with the values attributed to his Lust and to his Death. Thus, he creates the vehicle of his Death. My work deals with the dilemma of his Life within the conflict of his Lust and his Death.’
The Abstract Poetic-prose which is accompanied by the artwork is created to encompass a deep sense of spirituality that dictates the severity of the emotional qualities that impact the work. They offer a deep display of an emotional and spiritual union. The work is encased in turmoil, enlightenment, and a depressive and darker current that underlines and competes with its purer qualities.

The insights displayed in the ‘instructional’ text which were conceived for the mystic series were created to be well received within a union of complexity and simplicity. Their design allows us each to grasp and manipulate our own mystical power and energy as a separate yet equal force to the forces which influence our lives.

About the Artwork

His work is documented from the period of 1965 through present.
The work is labeled, ‘ego-expressive’.

“The work is about the emotions as they are experienced and excited and heightened. They are about the spiritual and ethical integrity that guides these emotions as they are affected by the influence.
‘Some of which work well and some of which go against all the fibers of ones thinking and doing’.
‘They are feelings in their raw, beautiful and brutal form. They are influenced by hope and fear, love and hate, lust and death, God and oblivion’.

About the Style

The style of the work changes with each direction he takes, although, he maintains a very individual signature to all of his work.

There are very apparent German Expressionist influences as well as the warmer more seductive nature of the Spanish painters.
His color selection ranges from a subtle palette to intense and volatile colors which dictate to work conceived of emotional turmoil. His brushstroke flitters with passive frailty, calculated regimentation, emotional fertility and harsh, manly, demanding and fierce interactions.

The topics celebrated are as diverse as his thinking. They encompass forces so dark and foreboding as to deliver to us a view of the unseen which haunts our lives, spiritual marriages of god and man, lustful and seductive feelings that draw us into facing our vices, and images which connect us into lifeless entities which dwell in oblivion, void of emotion or spirit.

There is so much going on inside of this work that it is fruitless to offer a description, except to alert you to the fact that, the works may at first deceive you into thinking they are dormant conceptions, only to slowly come alive within your viewing them and lustfully seducing you while you are helpless but to receive their seduction.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

• A special Thanks to Cristy McCartney for helping to get this work off the ground.

The list is long & in random order and there are many more names in the following books and artwork;

• marcia weisman, fredrick weisman

• bob dylan

• gary baker, mike koholor

• my sister’s melanie and linda and brothers rick and rob and ron

• and my sisters stella and charlene

• sienna, theresa, scott, rick, ray, debbie

• the houghtons and martins

• steve and terry lunger and their parents

• my parents charles and lena

• dee tobar and roxy hartford

• the manhattan beach police department

• brian butler

• johnny Carson

• all those very special writers I got material from

• denise & her canadian cousin

• ubc and the free university

• film school

• eli & edith broad

• the girls in british columbia

• the manhattan beach pier crowd

• mira costa high school

• pacific shores high school

• aviation high school

• redondo beach high school

• el camino college

• dead kirk thorn, dead alan fusell

• sue sauder, tish Stanton

• libraries and museums worldwide

• everyone from summerhill ranch

• the people at the fresno indian in el porto, dead rick

• o and w’s, al, ez, kirk

• tom moston, rodger, patrick, mike, rick hopkins, orbit orvitt

• dead hart Michaels and her sons derrick and jason, john john, wendy and wendy, gary flanders, pretty japanese terry

• vicki the mother of my daughter jc

• betsy bruch and her sons tony, tito, and richard

• dave patterson. judy markwell. pam fredrick

• toni michaels aka brigette

• joni mitchell and canada

• the atmosphere talent agency

• the 22nd st. volleyball crowd

• hermosa, manhattan, and redondo beach

• the rainbow bar and grill on the sunset strip

• the 5 musketteers, jeff, danny, gino, mike and myself

• the eastman girls shelly, kelly, susie, cristy

• the egg [craig sands]

• sue sartori, her dead brother tony and his dead wife.

• the cock rockers; phil and bonny rothchild. the dead don webb,

• linda, gary, dave, roy, florante, kenny, gary, dave and donny rankin

• nasha and tina habash, laurie egan.

• the whores on sunset blvd.

• pancho and wong’s

• jeff and kenny kuller of the strand club.

• rudy, susan, larry taylor, the girls of dirty sally’s.

• the micks boys and tomlinson boys

• pink floyd

• kathryn hartman of screw magizine new york

• tony kiss, ted

• jackie schnieder of new york

• jea’n and his wife in paris

• the dead ross libbert, the dead debbie montgomery, the dead shawn sanchez

• d.k. and ginger ludwig

• freck vreeland in paris

• lori sullivan, tessia carver.

• rick daurte, alicen, tim

• the dead salvador dali

• phil neer

• my ex-roomate glen from chicago

• jessie and his wife and daughter

• mr. lost and mr. gained

• everyone and anything that i have had sex with

• 2100 club in hermosa beach (our beach house) and all the women

• the 2100 boners; andrew (adam), steve (hoss), barry (little joe), and myself (pa).

• h.r.h. princess lalla fatima zohra, h.h prince moulay ali - in morocco

• bobby, dave cohen

• bj and atmosphere and over the hill gang

• prince, dolly parten at yamishiro

• van morrison and jim morrison

• paul simon, donovan

• palm springs - rancho mirage

• new york

• santa fe, all my cousins, uncles and aunts

• harry in indonesia, the wild women in the phillipines, thailand, & malaysia, rose (my masseuse)

• my friends in spain and germany

• gary, shannon

• heather and her ex gregg

• the boston pisans, billy, tony, harry

• johnny dangerously

• 8th st. hermosa beach gang

• 21st st. crowd hermosa beach

• 22nd st. volleyball crowd hermosa beach

• susan and lenny from england

• dean the dancing machine

• dr. dave

• georgina and johanne

• lynn leigh

• the carpet munchers

• betsy von furstenberg in new york

• rona

• sherry, zanie

• linda white

• bdt

• dawn, sherry, kimmy

• john and sue horger

• greg and joy

• danny, steve and aa, dash

• neighbors; bill, stan, mark, jimmy ray, gint, john, joey and his family

• the dealers

• the healers

• kathy and cam

• the people i have tripped with

• joey and the gang

• bikita

• 2115 strand johnny horserace

• earl, karl and valarie

• jimmy and thumper

• dorthy (sorry jimmy)

• theresa - steve -alana

• diane - allison - sandy

• vija from austria

• pete and jane

• my brothers’s ladies michaell and marie

• 12th st. bar and grill in manhattan beach, and everyone connected

• with it. pat, dana, johnny, dave, & the girls and wives.

• gail, steve(boogaloo) and the rest of the bartenders

• windows of the world ny

• plaza, essex, astoria ny

• sunsets grill in manhattan beach

• the girls at cal beach sushi in hermosa

• gordon and the northern california gang, and tom

• the airline hostesses that came around

• little greg -’mans gotta eat’

• princess erza jah in india

• mauler mike, kenny

• steve [bird][sixpack], tony mack, tony mcnamara, george and trick

• loran and caroline frost

• lidia from italy

• nancy bryant, tommy, steve scamchez, robinson, lisa, albert broccolli's son, sara, o'neil

• inge, james wilder, prince bandar, his dad prince mohammad

• the gate, whiskey bar, tattoo, china club, jones & atlantic

• dawn, angie, the ostrow's, ashley, gloria & don crystal, janelle, kristina and the girls,

• heidi, susan, ivan, sonny, china

• the celebrity camping group at the river

• antonia and bruce

• charlie scheen, julian lennon, bruce payne

• rolling stones

• david greenberg, madla from the gallery

• miki, bradley, bob caslesy, dead charlie minor, dead don simpson

• peter knecht

• super max

• jeffery jolson, johnaton heap

• the monkey bar, jack, don hennley, alan

• allison. seta, samar, mimi and rupert

• mark benneky, tanya, angel and larry

• polo lounge, trader vic's

• the wiseguys & mm, cathy st george

• girl bar and sky bar, joey depinto

• beverly hills, the wilshire holmby

• the long brothers

• fabio and seth and b gees and that strange girl

• sunset landmark, suzzanne, siead nourmond

• encino tennis club, malibu, khyc, rbyc, pryc

• the yacht club drinking fleet (you all know who you are)

• j & j & j finnegan and natalie and wes, kari

• kevin1 & kevin2, sara, lucien, mel, susie,

• fritz and ebbie and crossfire crew

• celebrity, primara, camelot & all boats, crews and trophies

• portofino inn, bill, d dock group

• mexico

• art hermosa beach gallery

• meea gallery/museum

• fishing fleet, smitty and all

• hbpd, county and super max

• green

• blue

• the golden budda

• billy graham

• all the popes

• tammy b. bishop scheen

• religious music videos and the golden healing alter

• jesus christ, the devil, the grace

• and god

Paradise in Hell

You didn’t come this far to stop

★★★★★

Table of Contents

The Preliminaries

Legend of the Ancient Mystic Warrior-Priest & the Mystic Moral Rites & Books of FE & Poetic Diaries

Alamar's vision to Randee

Part 1

Creating the Abstract Poetic Diaries
The First Dream of Randee
The Second Dream of Randee
The Third Dream of Randee
The Fourth Dream of Randee
The Fifth Dream of Randee
The Sixth Dream of Randee
The Seventh Dream of Randee
Summary of the Diaries of Alamar and Randee

Introduction to understanding: Rhythmic Expressive Abstract Poetic Prose

Preparation for the envisioning of the future
Of the contemplation’s of Man

Part 2

The Origin of the Ancient Mystic Warrior-Priest
8th awakening - the Mystic Warrior - His purpose and beginning - What he feels
Origins of Ancient Eugenia, Angeles & Fe Santia & The Books of FE
The Incarnations of the Ancients
The 6 Temples of the Warrior Priest
The empire of the 'White Light' and of the 'Dark Light'
The land and empire of Eugenia
The land and empire of Angeles
The Mystic Universe
Situation at Angeles
Angeles and the ancient city of Holmby (Wor)
The Honorary
The pronouncement for good fortune:
The 2 Daughters and the Beast of Fe Santia
Two women dancing around a Beast Incarnation

Part 3

The Mystic Rites

9th awakening - the warriors vision

The Mysteries Preliminaries

The Mystic Moral Rites
Alamar and the Mystic Moral Rites

The Mystic Rites
The Pilgrimage from Angeles to Fe Santia: The first Rite - 1st Temple
Cleansing at Eden: The second Rite - 2nd Temple
Cleansing and Sacrifices: The third Rite - 3rd Temple
Cleansing and Sacrifices: The fourth Rite - 4th Temple
The Return Procession to Fe Santia from Angeles: The fifth Rite - 5th Temple
Fasting and Drinking the Ambrosa: The sixth Rite - 6th Temple

The Greater Mystic Rites
The 3 Towers - The 9 Doors
The Altar Rites
The 3 Towers
The 1st Tower - The Square Tower
The 2nd Tower - The Triangle Tower
The 3rd Tower - The Circle Tower

The Ninth Door

Part 4

What are The Mystic Warriors and the Mystic Rites and the Books of FE?

The 6 Grades of the Mystic Warrior

Purpose

The plan was simple and straightforward.

The Mystic Warriors Chapters

Angeles

Eugenia

Honorary Mystic Warrior Chapters

The Mystic Warriors Chapter and Followers System

Mystic Warriors Chapters

Chapter Sects

Qualification for Acceptance

The principal activities of The Society of Mystic Warriors
Research & Resolve
Universal Truth
Love
Enlightenment

The Mystic Warriors Ceremonies

The Basis of the Ritual

The Secret Symbols & Signs

The use of the Books of FE and the Rites
Rules and Penalties
Acceptance
The teaching of the 6 Levels
The Courses
Fundamental Goals of Society of Mystic Warriors

There are six grades in the outer order:
Seeker:
Champion:
Scholar:
Practitioner:
Philosopher:
Master:

Part 5

The Ancients world of Symbols

The symbolic building blocks of the Ancients

The symbolic building blocks of the mortal

The Symbolic Foundation

The Star

The Universe
The World
The Human
The Circle
The Square
The Triangle
The Platform
The Temple
The Altar
The Warrior/Priest
The Seeker
The Body
The Ritual
The Ceremony
The Incantation
The Influence

The Symbols
The Paths of Living

Part 6

The Ethereal and Mortal Prophecies
The 1st Vision - The Prophecies

By Gods will

Part 7

The Essential Contemplations

The Dilemma of Life

Creation Theory
Totality of form, truth and thought
Levels of form
The Structured act and chaotic act
The argument on the destruction of pure form
The degeneration of the Form
The materialization and re-creation of the act, self and belief
The Argument of Grand Truth

Contemplations of Self-actualization
Contemplations of World-actualization
Contemplations of Universe-actualization

Contemplations of Collision
Contemplations of Ancestors and Family
Contemplations of Belief in faith
Contemplations of Harmony
Contemplations of Satan and conceived reality

Contemplations of non-Religious based Afterlife
Contemplations of Assumption of mass conviction
Contemplations of the belief in God
Contemplations of Justification of beliefs
Contemplations of Aspirations to godhead

Self-importance

Contemplations of Strength of conviction
Contemplations of Concept of non-God
Contemplations of Scientific theory
Contemplations of Circumstance of events
Contemplations of set of truth
Contemplations of Life and Living

The act of being
The contemplation of Emotion

Part 8
Stepping inside the Gate

The Books of FE
Intention of ‘The Books of FE’
The Question of Authority
Beware of Darkness

Book 1 – Life
The Abstract Poetic Diaries of Alamar, the Mystic Warrior-Priest & Randee, the Prophet-Poet

Tigress
Touched by Life

The Demons Lament
The legend of Alamar

The visions of the divine

The Creation of Alamar
Alamar enters into the dreams of Randee
Freeing the Warrior-Priest

Life starts and ends first from the soul
Seeing the Dream
The quest of Alamar
Into the Awakening

The Time of Alamar

The appearance of the Spectre and Emanation
God’s perfect imperfection
The stolen jewel
Quest of Living
The Fall of Paradise

Adams first dream in paradise - 'The Lament'

The Fall of Innocence

The Fall of the House of Demon Angels
The Fall of the House of Angels
By the hand of God
The Paths of Living

The 9 Visions of Alamar

In your heart, part of your heart ... Alamar's lament...
Visions and horrors
The Ethereal and Mortal Prophecies

The 1st Vision
The Prophecies

Oblivion
Visions of our oblivion

The banishment from hell
The banishment from heaven
The angels of desperation
The angels of lost love
The angels of lust
The demons of the resurrection
The demons of the star
The stars is the death of the demon
The star is the life of your death
Fallen from grace
Fallen into grace
Her eyes show me her hurt
I hate the face of grace
The lie
The laugh of final desperation
Final desperation
The creators disgrace
The star is cast to the head
The remaining death of bliss
The death of bliss
Lust
The seduction of our soul
The lost mind
The makeup of desperation
The kiss
The kiss of lust
The death of life
Secret of bliss hiding your fears
Fears are speaking to anyone
Listen to the hate that falls from your fate
A wicked face
Beautiful demon
Submission into your lust
The assumption of fate
The assumption of the resurrection
The death plays with your head
Forgotten passions
Forgotten from your living
Looking into your crystal prison
Looking out from the dreams your forsake
Looking out from the dream you made
I hate you
I love you
Shamed by your name
Indifference
The bored actions of the demon lord
The unconcerned
The bastard child
Delusion of grace
The disenchanted
The preachers of our fate
The teary eyes of death
The tears of living
The tired and the bored
The forsaken
The inner twist of fate
The lord of fear
The lord of lust
The lord of the gate
The act
The act of lust
The shame of calling out lust’s name
The virility of youth
The virile
The virile heart
The virile soul
The soulless
Lost and found
I have loved you
I fall into your arms
Stolen from the past
Falling into the past
The kiss of the faithful
The kiss of the monk
The kiss of loneliness
The kiss of disenchantment
The kiss of the poet
The poets’ death
The desperate need of the poets’ freedom
Take heed of the dream
The dream
Lost inside of the dream
Left in the dream
The lost boy of summer
The lost boy
The immoral
The sovereign touch
The sovereign lord
The sovereign angel
The transformation
The opiate of ones dream
The discourse of ones own death
The desire for death
The deathless
The lord of immortality
Nonexistence
Faced with your disgrace
The purification of angels
The sanctification of the demon
The sanctified
The relationship of two lost to their ways
The relationship of new lovers
The love of the devil and the grace
The young thing
The ripple of insanity
The silent scream
The scream of the magi
The scream of youth
The scream of the meek
The soft scream of lust
The pain of pleasure
The sensual crucifixion
The deviant
The kiss of the sadist
The cries from the teenager
The corruption
The enlightenment
The fornication of the angels
The fornication of the demon
The angel wishes for another name
The angels wishes for lust
The demons wish for love
The love of the demon and the angel
The seduction of the evil and the grace
The devil has no face
The grace contemplated fate
The consummation
The consummation of good and evil
The morality
The shame of the teenager insane
The cries of the sodomized
The fetish of the soulless
Angel fallen from grace
The inquisitor
The inquisition of lust
The inquisition of love
The panacea of lust
The temptation of lust
The expulsion from Xzanado
The shame of lust
The submissive
The friendship of the devil
The ancestor
Making a pact with your fate and name
The death of your word
Gazing at your beauty
Your favorable attention
The aggression of the grace
The aggression of the angelic demon
The humiliation of the color green
The crucifixion
Cherub of obesity
The aristocratic deviant
The lust of the noblewoman
The destruction of heaven and hell

By Gods will

The 2nd Vision
The 9 Awakenings

Visions of the Mystic Warrior Priest
The 9 Awakenings of Alamar

1st awakening - the simple creation
2nd awakening - makeup of the supreme
3rd awakening - pondering the abyss
4th awakening – destiny
5th awakening - the feast of eternity
6th awakening - mortal being
7th awakening - the birth of god
8th awakening - the warrior
The warrior - the mortal conception

9th awakening - the warriors’ vision
Held in the embrace

The 3rd Vision
The House of Demon

The Thirty-three Tears of Demons Hell

The Third Tear - Venturing into yourself
The Forth Tear - Lost alive
The Fifth Tear - Thoughts of the demons who need you
The Sixth Tear - Harmed with your words
The Eighth Tear - Discovering the Beast in your dreams
The Ninth Tear - Discovering your fear
The Tenth Tear - The contemplation of your fear as it draws you near

Alamar’s return from Hell

The 4th Vision
The Ancients

Ancient Earth - Ancestors
At terms with the long line of who you are

The 5th Vision
The Argument of God

God lives Alamar's life…
Jeopardized paradise
Alamar walks off into tomorrow...

The 6th Vision
The Lost Paradise

Lost Paradise
The nature of mortal Eden
The voices of everything
The realization of destiny

The 7th Vision

The Transformation of Alamar
Awakening the Beast
Alamar’s vision of the Beast - the 1st step to his mortal life
Dreams of this ancient being
Who am I
The Temptation of Alamar
The jagged edge of insanity
Bringing the Beast to life

The 8th Vision
Becoming Mortal

Seduction by the goddess named Life
Vida - The First Moment
A Mistress named Life

The abstract creation of Vida / Reality is the Illusion
You are created between day and night
It is you that has chosen me
Colors fall like tears from our eyes
I spy the woman behind your eyes
Sometimes lost between the sand and the stars
Suddenly, reality speaks to me in a dream...
not really saying anything

Awaiting my fortune and fame
In the reflection of the mirror, I see you looking at me
I am drawn into visions of you

You burn at both ends, never wanting to be consumed
Again the day hides the plans that I made for you
What is it like being who you are
As you materialize before my eyes; a sparkle is spied as you smiled

You look for the reason why you should be the exception

The 9th Vision

The Awakening of Alamar
The Web of Destiny
The Unseen

The Damnation of Alamar and the Judgment of Randee

Alamar and Randee
Randee's lament;
The Iron Mask
The Return of Destiny
The taking of Innocence
Robbing of my Innocence
The Visions of Angels at play and falling
Trading away your soul for heartaches and gold
We are trapped seeing our visions from behind the gate.

The Preliminaries

You didn’t come this far to stop

Legend of the Ancient Mystic Warrior-Priest & the Mystic Moral Rites & Books of FE

Alamar's vision to Randee

Clouds passed overhead, temporarily blocking the sun. The clouds in the distance looked like two horses, commanding and powerful, pure white stallions, charging forward in full gallop, each rode by a woman, perfect and beautiful with long hair, wild and flowing.

As if being touched on the shoulder, Alamar slowly turned, looking halfway up as if distracted, and fixed his eyes to those distant clouds as they approached. As he turned, Randee glanced at Alamar’s face, gazing up to Alamar’s eyes, noticing a dark shadow passing inside them, somewhat as if light was draining from them.
Alamar turned back towards Randee and spoke. ‘Upon this one incident your whole life will be tested, that to which has already been decided.’
And, as if by command, and much without warning, Alamar entered a vision into Randee.

Randee, caught by this vision, reels back, his face flushed and his eyes flashing. And falling backwards to the ground, colors, voices, and then figures materialize in his mind. The figure, Alamar, standing in Randee’s dream, glows red hot, flames emitting from his eyes, talons springing from his hands, and coarse, dead words fall from his mouth. With threatening gesture of his talon hand, passing through a wall of fire, hot. ‘It is for you, Randee.’ He thundered. ‘That you are given my eyes so that you may see; you are given my heart so that you may feel. You shall see my lifeless form upon the desert sand, and that you stand and look into the eyes of the Emanation and stare into her pale and frightened face. And hear the thundering steps of the Spectre as she spreads blood along the mortals’ path.
You shall choose between them. They each are beautiful and are of the true faith. You shall have fleeting years to choose. At the end of that time I shall have my answer.’
The flames quieted around Alamar’s figure, his eyes, now fixed into Randee’s. ‘Before you choose, listen to this life and of the feelings spent, on my glories and laments, of my terrors and the terror I have spread, of my love and my lust and my fears and of all the tears which I have used.’
‘This is my damnation, the conceptions. My loyalty to God, and the price I have to pay for the living for which I have made.’

Quietly Randee spoke, ’and of our souls, Alamar,’ ‘What of my soul’?

Alamar, now sitting silently, the figure of him now returned, in quiet repose, caring, compassionate, slowly, with confident honesty, turns towards Randee and in soft and sure tone replies, ‘It is your light, but, it is also God's light. It is your heart, your mind and your body. But, it is also God's heart, God's mind, and God's body, Randee.
And it all shall go back to God. And you in turn, go back to God. I and everything in turn, go back to God. It is an ending and a beginning, both, at the same time.

Randee, trailing light tears, speaks again, but, this time in guarded concerned tone, ‘But, what of my life, my thoughts, my love, my self?’

’They are God's’, Alamar quietly replied to Randee, and after a slight pause, Alamar continues, ‘and they are yours, Randee’, and in softer tone Alamar finishes, ‘They are yours’. Randee stands and slowly walks to the edge of the rugged cliffs a few steps from where the two of them were sitting and overlooking the sea and far beyond, off to the sun, as it begins to set, Randee turns towards Alamar and speaks, ‘There is so little time for us to do all of those things which we have wanted to do, to say, to feel. I work hard and still I lose each day as it leaves me and moves away. I seek more time to find and finish all of those things which have entered, then, left my brain. I wish only for a chance to find them first, then, let them rest, peacefully within the completion of each and every one of my dreams.

I have so little time and so much to say and do for everyone’.

’In time they will all learn the truth of everything’. ‘In time’, Alamar responds.

Randee, saddened, somewhat distraught over the ponderance of his perplexion resumes speaking his concerns and feelings, ‘still, I want to find and release all of the shame and hate in my own life. I know I have lived, but, I have learned almost nothing. I know that I must accept everything, but, I know that at time even a tiger must feast. How do I learn, or solve the conflict of such things?’ ‘I carry the blood of both life's and of both deaths and in my head some of these things won't rest’. ‘Help me. Alamar, help me.

Alamar stops Randee and comforts him with these thoughts, ‘Randee, please stop thinking and listen to me. You are blessed with finishing your every task. God knows this. This is God's wish. Ask not ‘why’? You are only to finish God’s will. That is all you must do.’ A few moments pass before Alamar finishes speaking, ‘in your task you will find in you, your truth’.